Last week Sweety’s family really came though for us. Sweety’s mother is moving in with her boyfriend and they are giving us their extra furniture so that they don’t have to put it in storage. While it is kind of a selfish reason for giving us the furniture, I am not going to say no because the extent of our furniture was two computer desks, two folding chairs and an air mattress.
Sweety’s younger sisters have also helped by giving him furniture for his birthday and helping us move the furniture in.
I still have to put together the end tables, but here are a few pictures of the rest of the furniture. For information about the cat on the bed please wait until tomorrow’s post.
Sweety has decided that since we have come back home, he will take over the kitchen and finances. I’m thinking that he’s feeling rather useless because he can’t go back to work for another year.
He even went so far as to hide the grocery list from me the other day so that I wouldn’t make any changes to it. I was allowed to push the cart though.
I will admit that I’m rather uncomfortable with the finance thing. But that’s because I’ve been responsible for paying the bills since we’ve moved here in December. Add that to the fact that Sweety rarely has the energy to get up and down the stairs let alone run around town paying bills.
But, regardless of how uncomfortable I am with putting this in practice, I am very happy with what it means. I’m glad that Sweety is feeling better, even if his red cells haven’t bounced back yet. Hopefully him taking charge is the beginning of him getting back to normal.
It’s been over a month since my last post but I am still around. Unfortunately my plan to schedule posts when I had internet access went south. When I was able to get internet access, I had more important things to do such as keep contact with family and pay bills.
At the moment, we are now back in Red Deer because Sweety’s doctor has allowed me to take him home. We are very thankful that we can live at home again but even more grateful that Sweety’s family surprised us with furniture for our homecoming.
It’s rather strange to look around and see furniture especially because we lived here for months with our only furniture being an air mattress. But, I suppose that’s what happens when you move across the country and get a life threatening illness.
I’m hoping that I’ll be able to start posting regularly again but with the way things have been lately, I’m not going to make any promises. I’m also not going to make any promises on post length for the same reason.
At the moment, I am going to leave off so that Sweety and I can cuddle on our “new” couch.
Over the last few days I have been trying some new sleeping pills in an attempt to overcome my insomnia. Unfortunately the pills I took yesterday didn’t help me fall asleep like they were supposed to. Instead, they helped me stay asleep.
I took the first pill at about 9:30pm and by midnight I was still awake so I took another pill thinking that I needed more in my system. After all the dosage is 1-2 pills at bedtime. But after the second pill it still took me several hours to fall asleep. I fell asleep around 3am and the pills kept me asleep until 8pm.
The only problem is that I am still feeling extremely groggy and it is not helping me with my post. In fact, it has taken me almost two hours to write this much.
I may be MIA for a few days while my sleeping pills get sorted out. Hopefully by then I will be able to get a full night’s sleep and focus on what it is I’m writing about.
Today I feel like crying. I feel like I am the only one who actually cares about Sweety and, because of this, I feel frustrated. There are multiple reasons why I feel like this and I will attempt to explain it.
Earlier today Sweety got a call from his mom just as he was stepping into the bathroom. He told his mom that he would call her back when he was done but she ignored him and tried to keep him on the phone. This in itself baffles me as he told her that he couldn’t speak right then but he would call her when he could.
Then, I received a text from her which asked me if Sweety’s uncle was there yet. I asked Sweety why he didn’t tell me his uncle was visiting and he was confused. So I replied to the text asking what she was talking about and that we weren’t told anyone was coming over so we weren’t prepared for it. The reply I got was hostile in nature and laid the blame on Sweety for not telling her that we didn’t want visitors. When I asked her if specifically told Sweety that someone was coming to visit, she replied saying that she couldn’t talk because she was working.
I wish I could say that I was surprised with that texting conversation but it is typical of Sweety’s mother. Unfortunately, Sweety’s family tends to think of themselves first and others last. This can be seen in the fact that his father spends all of his money on alcohol and then proceeds to ask family members for money. The fact that, despite being told that Sweety has no immune system and shouldn’t be around children, his sister brought her 1-year old to visit. The fact that his mother assumes we are on her schedule by telling us when she is visiting and then showing up several hours late.
The way I was raised was for families to lift each other up rather than to be tossed aside when convenient. And, as Sweety’s family is our only possible support system on this side of the country, I feel very much alone. I call my parents every few days and speak to my sister every so often. Even my nephews who aren’t in school yet are a better support system than Sweety’s family.
I know that I really have no room to complain because at least I have my family to support me emotionally. But, at times like this, I really need someone to hold me while I cry. Unfortunately, the only one who can do that is Sweety and I don’t want to add anything to his already large load.
Hug (Photo credit: pamhule)
Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t like being touched by people I don’t know or trust. For me a simple handshake can set my tension level high for the rest of the day. I have even been known to have violent reactions when people get too close without warning.
And I am perfectly fine with this.
I have had people complain that I should be more open. I’ve had friends complain that they should be able to give me a simple hug when they greet me or when they leave. I’ve even had strangers tell me that I was weird because of my “no touching” rule.
All of this complaining by other people has made me self-conscious. I have wondered if it really was so weird that I wanted to keep my body for myself. Is is strange that I think hugs should be special and should represent a personal closeness with the other person? Is it weird that I don’t think other people should dictate who can touch my body?
I don’t think so.
In fact, I will even go so far to say that my hugs are extra special because I don’t give them away to just anyone. My hugs mean more because they show that I trust you. My hugs are special because they are rare. My hugs are filled with emotion because I don’t hug just anyone.
If I were to hug everyone then I would feel each hug diminishing in value. I wouldn’t be able to put as much emotion into a hug because if I did, I would soon find myself exhausted from all of the emotion I spend.
For anyone who is wondering “what the big deal is, it’s just a hug” I would like you to know that it is not “just” a hug. When you say that “it’s just a hug” you are devaluing the power of hugs. When it’s “just” a hug, it’s no longer special.
That is why I don’t like hugging people. Because when I hug someone, I want them to know that I mean it.
As much as I love Sweety there are times when I can’t stand the man. There are times when we argue so much that it is ridiculous. The arguments aren’t about anything serious, in fact, the arguments are usually about something quite silly. In fact our last argument was about whether a bird’s shadow would swim or fly through the ocean. The problem is that we are both so stubborn that there is never a winner.
Normally our fights end rather pleasantly because neither of us really get involved in our side of the argument. Unfortunately Sweety’s red cells are still low and he is still rashed up from the chemo so our arguments usually just end up with us forgetting our rather than slipping into romance.
I’m not really complaining because I know Sweety needs to get better and not worry about this. But I’m really beginning to miss the romance from our relationship. I understand that he doesn’t want to do anything because he thinks he’s gross (which I really don’t agree with). But I still miss kissing him. And regardless of how my clumsiness and his CVC don’t work together, I still miss cuddling with Sweety while watching Doctor Who.
I know it’s rather strange that my mind goes from silly arguments to romance but there is very little about Sweety and I that is normal. Our entire courtship was filled with strange jokes and weird arguments.
But right now I’m not sure what to do. Our normal romance is out of the question until Sweety gets better but both of us miss the closeness. I guess the only thing that we can do is what we’ve been doing. I just wish that Sweety’s body would cooperate and get better.